LTC (Ret) Francesca Graham (Retired, Army – United states Military Academy), COO & Chief Advisor with the Walk the Talk Foundation. (Published January 12th, 2025)
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The military prides itself on values like honor, courage, and commitment. These ideals are drilled into us from day one, and we are encouraged to embody them in every aspect of our service. Yet, when faced with the realities of toxic environments, harassment, and bullying, these principles are often overshadowed by a culture of silence.
I’ll never forget the moment when a retired female Army O6, someone I admired for her accomplishments and leadership, told me: “Keep your head down—you’ll be able to do more as a Colonel.”
At the time, I was enduring a toxic work environment characterized by harassment, bullying, and sexual harassment. In August 2022, I had confided in her about my experience and shared my thoughts about filing a complaint. Her response wasn’t to encourage action, support, or accountability. Instead, she advised me to stay silent, endure the mistreatment, and focus on my career trajectory.
She explained that she, too, had faced similar issues during her career but had chosen to “keep her head down” because she believed she could have a greater impact as an O6 than as a retired O5. She framed her silence as a strategic choice, a sacrifice for the greater good. But the reality of her advice—and her actions—reveals a much darker truth about our profession and the culture we perpetuate.
Even more disturbingly, she told me that the senior federal civilian who was abusing me likely only yelled at me in public (one example of the many instances of his misconduct) because he knew he could ‘trust me’—I was the only person he trusted to ‘blow off some steam’ with.
Betrayal of Duty to the Uniform and Profession
The retired O6’s advice was a betrayal—not only to me but to the uniform we both wore and the profession we both served. As military members, we take an oath to uphold good order and discipline and to protect those who serve alongside us. When we choose silence in the face of wrongdoing, we fail in our duty to address the systemic issues that harm our people and weaken our institution.
This mentality—choosing career advancement over accountability—erodes the integrity of the profession. By turning a blind eye to toxic behaviors, we implicitly endorse them, allowing them to fester and spread. Worse, it sends a clear message to others: The system will not protect you, and speaking out will only harm your career.
The Ego Behind the Silence
The advice to “keep your head down” is often framed as selfless, but in reality, it is deeply egotistical. It prioritizes the individual’s career ambitions over the well-being of their peers and subordinates.
The idea that one must attain a certain rank to make meaningful change is flawed. True leadership and influence are not confined to the rank on one’s chest. Choosing silence for the sake of career progression is not a noble sacrifice; it’s a betrayal of those who look to us for leadership.
The saddest part of this conversation was that it came from another woman. Instead of empathizing with my situation and encouraging me to fight for accountability, she normalized the very behaviors that harmed her. Her advice reflected a belief that enduring mistreatment is simply the price of admission for women in the military, perpetuating a cycle of tolerance for toxicity.
Implications for Good Order and Discipline
The attitude of “keeping your head down” has far-reaching implications for good order and discipline in the military. Toxic environments, sexual harassment, and bullying undermine trust, cohesion, and morale—all of which are critical to mission success.
When senior leaders or aspiring leaders choose silence, they set a dangerous precedent. They signal that toxic behaviors will be tolerated as long as the perpetrators are in positions of power or influence. This erodes confidence in the chain of command and creates a culture where service members feel unsupported and unsafe.
Moreover, this attitude disproportionately impacts junior service members and those from underrepresented groups, who may already face systemic barriers within the institution. When leaders fail to address these issues, they perpetuate an environment where talent is stifled, and the military’s readiness is compromised.
If we truly believe in the values of honor, courage, and commitment, we must reject the notion of “keeping your head down.” Silence is not a strategy for change; it is complicity in the status quo.
As leaders, we have a responsibility to address toxic behaviors and to advocate for the well-being of those we serve. This means creating an environment where service members feel empowered to speak out without fear of retaliation. It means holding ourselves and others accountable for upholding the highest standards of conduct.
To the O6 who gave me this advice: I understand that you likely believed you were helping me, offering wisdom from your years of experience. But your advice missed the mark. Your silence allowed the person you admitted was abusive to you to groom and abuse the next generation. True leadership isn’t about enduring abuse to climb the ranks; it’s about standing up for what’s right, even when it comes at a personal cost.
To those reading this: Do not accept a culture of silence. Do not allow the pursuit of rank or status to cloud your sense of duty to the uniform and to those who serve alongside you. Speak out, demand better, and work to create a military that truly embodies its values.
Send this newsletter to your elected officials if you believe they need to correct the issues discussed.
- Find your Representative here: https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative
- Find your Senator here: https://www.senate.gov/senators/senators-contact.htm
Feel free to reach out privately at francescagraham@walkthetalkfoundation.org or in the comments.
PETITIONS:
- SIGN THIS PETITION demanding that our leaders in Congress change the DoD’s unjust administrative investigatory system.
- SIGN THIS PETITION demanding real anti-harassment reform in the Military and Coast Guard now.
- SIGN THIS PETITION urging the Supreme Court of the United States to hear the case of Staff Sergeant Ryan Carter who was paralyzed from the chest down following a routine surgery at Walter Reed.
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Graphic: US Military O6 Collar Insignia 3D Stl File for CNC Router – Etsy